Father
by Reta McClain
Summary: Being left behind is hard, especially to a child. At night it's even harder. Oneshot


**Words:**1 002  
**Disclaimer:** I don't I'll never own Fullmetal Alchemist (belongs to Hiromu Arakawa, Square Enix, BONES etc.) or this song Isä (Father) by Johanna Debreczeni.

**Notes:** My eh... first songfic so it can be awful. I don't myself really have a clue so you have to tell me. And sorry about my grammar. Being non-English can be hard when writing something.

**NOTE!:** This is REWRITTEN version. The original one can be read at (link in my profile) Well, not really rewritten, I just added some stuff that seemed approriate --U And it's better now :D

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**Father**

He leaned against the wall as he sat on the window sill, looking out to the grassy hills that disappeared into the darkness further from their small house. He sighed softly and adjusted the warm blanket around his shoulders, protecting himself from the coolness of autumn. A small snort and whimper turned his attention from the outside world and he turned to glance over his shoulder, towards the bed on the other side of the room. A small, sad smile graced his lips as his deep, golden eyes found a form of his little brother nuzzling against his pillow. He didn't seem to be bothered by anything, but he knew otherwise, as all the people living in the house missed someone important to them. He sighed softly and turned back towards the window, letting his gaze raise to the stars, searching for something, he didn't know what.

_Alone wandering in the night  
And feeling my last strength run out  
As I feel your strength  
You make me believe  
Nothing is so cold  
If you lose hope_

He shivered slightly, letting his thoughts wander, even though he knew it wasn't wise in the dead of the night._ 'He is sleeping. My little brother. The one you left behind'_, he let his head fall against his small shoulder, short blond hair sticking in every direction as he watched the stars. He could still remember when _he_ took him to his shoulders and pointed them out, telling him their names and stories about them. No he wasn't here to do the same to Al._ 'I can't understand why you left... Weren't we good enough to you? All those things you said... Were they all lies? Alphonse says we should wait for you to come back. If I just... could believe that it would happen.' _He knew he was one to hold grudges but that was his personality. He knew he would hit him, if he ever came back, for leaving them all alone. It hurt.

_I remember those sailings  
To the lonely island  
Even if it's storming  
You said; Everything'll be alright_

He bit his lower lip softly, to keep himself from crying. He wanted to cry but couldn't. He just couldn't. When he wasn't there, it was him who had to be strong for everyone. He was the oldest. It was his resbonsibility. But he couldn't help it; he wanted less. He wanted to be able to cry and let himself to be held. _'I remember what it used to be like. You would play with me or help mom with chores.'_ A tear slid down his smooth cheek._ 'When I hurt myself while playing, you would always take me in your arms and bandage scrapes on my knees. You're always there to help up, smiling and encouraging me to move forward. Do you remember those days? When we were happy? When mom was happy... Before you left.' _Tears were now falling freely but he couldn't bring himself to care. He couldn't cry when there were others but... at night, when everyone else was sleeping, he could. He could be weak.

_As we watched the sky  
I trusted in angel  
Why did you fly away so early?_

'_Why did you leave? Weren't you happy? I remember... when you tucked me in at night...'_ he could feel a ghost of hairy kiss on his forehead and an affectinate ruffle afterwards. He missed it._ 'Gave goodnight kiss and said that you loved me. I trusted you. I trusted that you would be here forever... Saying those same words to Alphonse. I knew you did but... He doesn't remember it. And it hurts.' _He had enjoyed how he showed affection to them, and he cherished the memories he had, but still he tried to mask them in hate. It wasn't because he made Mom and Al sad... it was because he couldn't help but miss those times he draped the blanket gently over him or craddled him into his arms in a hug.

_I remember your warm smile  
You were eternal to me  
Even if it's storming  
You could always understand_

As he buried his face into his knees, he could remember his smile. How the corners of his lips turned upwards, how the beard tickled him and how the light danced in his eyes, making him look like an entirely different person. _'I remember how you used to smile. How you smiled when I tackled you...'_ he had always liked trying to tackle him to the ground and hug him after that, laughing from the bottom of his heart and enjoying the sound of his laugh._ 'How you smiled when I came to your and mom's room when it was storming outside...'_ he shivered slightly in memory. He'd always smile at him and raise the covers to invite him in when it was storming and lightnings striked outside. The noise sounded more quiet in his and Mom's arms. He didn't know why, it just did. Alphonse was the same way._ 'I trusted you with my fears. Knowing you would understand. Was that a lie also?'_

_Father, wherever you are  
I'll find you later  
You can never lose a friend_

He looked up again when he heard a small pop on the window. He looked as small rain drops started hitting the window repeatedly, in a dance impossible to achieve for humans, singing their quiet song as they went. His golden eyes narrowed in resolve and his small fists clenched. '_I'm going to find you. I don't want to see mom sad... I know she would be happy to have you back... Alphonse would be happy... I would be happy.'_ He looked up to the sky, facing the gray clouds overhead and suddenly hoping that he would be here._ 'I can't lose you, dad.'_

_As short as the trip of the human is  
I've longing as my friend forever  
As long as you live  
Someone keeps you as memory  
Everything is in waste  
If I lose you_

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**A/N: **Reviews are very much appreciated :D 


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